When I'm a Week Away From The End of the First Semester

So a lot has happened since I last wrote. Like.. a lot!

Firstly, in a follow up to my last post, Josh and I did break up, it was tough and we said we'd stay friends, and that hasn't really happened so far, but I'm back at work next week for panto, so we'll see how that goes.

Since then I turned 18, and had my party, which needless to say, I got very drunk, made a bit of an idiot out of myself and ended up having to send an apologetic text to Josh the next day, as he decided to come to the party and I got to the point of drunk where I get very bouncy, but also very annoying.

I went on holiday to Rome with my cousin and my grandma, I thoroughly enjoyed it and desperately want to go back! I also went to Reading Festival with my cousin. Despite nearly being crushed during several mosh pits, none of which I had actually intended to be in, I had a great time, and managed to see two of my favourite bands; Twenty One Pilots and Fall Out Boy.

Freshers week, was interesting, well, from what I can remember. I did the stereotypical thing of getting far too drunk, vomiting a fair bit and making a few poor decisions regarding rebounds and boys, all of which I will try and fail to pin on my emotional state from being still newly single in a new city. I found it tough being away from home, and even now still get a bit home sick, but I'm so happy I made the move and so happy I chose to go to this university. The nights were spent drinking and clubbing with new friends and the days were spent with me being severely hungover and sleeping through my induction because I hadn't got home until 5am and decided that there was no point sleeping when I had to be up in two hours to get to uni for a 9am start.

Looking back on this first semester, I can see that I've changed quite a lot as a person. Beginning the academic year as I did, still being in a fragile state, made it quite difficult for me to begin with, and at at times, all I wanted to go was get on a train and go home, but I stuck through it and I've made it this far, so I'm proud of myself. It's true that the friends you make during Freshers week might not be your best friends come the end of the semester. While I do still see them sometimes, we aren't as close and I've made some amazing friends on my course, who I love to bits, even if I never tell them that sober.

This semester has passed so quickly, it honestly does not feel like only thirteen weeks ago I was on the sofa crying about how I didn't want to move out of home and go to uni, yet there I was not knowing what the future had in store for me and scared. Had I known what was to come I think I would have been a lot calmer about going, yet also embarrassed about all the mistakes I would make along the way, getting me to where I am now, a week away from going home for Christmas and putting off doing her assignments.

When My Boyfriend Is Questioning Our Future

My name is Hannah, I'm 17 years old, I am two weeks away from my 18th birthday, I start university is just over a month, and last night, my boyfriend said he isn't sure about our previous decision to carry on our relationship whilst we are at university.

Now, before I delve in to the details of what actually happened last night, here's a quick run down of our relationship so far.

Josh and I met some time winter last year at work. I'd been working there for a year already before he joined. I'm not sure at what point we became friends, but by Christmas we were close. Josh is a great guy, and this isn't going to be a post criticising him. He's a year older than me and took a gap year to figure things out before getting a place at university. I've just completed my final year of A Levels and have an unconditional to study English Literature at university this September. Now Josh and I started dating in March, and we've been through a fair bit together. He's supported me through my A Levels and been so understanding when I've had to deal with my anxiety. A few months back, we decided that we would try and make it work while at uni. Since then we've had our first argument, but also spent the night together.

The thing about our relationship is that we don't see each other that often anyway, we live at opposite sides of the county, so there is a fair bit of travelling required to go out together. So a long distance wouldn't be so different than what we're used to.

Now before he is seen as the villain in this scenario, I've been thinking this for a while too. As happy as I am in this relationship, I don't want either of us to be forced to stay together if we don't want to be. And while I trust that he would never cheat, there is always that risk at university.

Last night we were talking about the sex stuff, as you do and well, this is how the conversation went (Edited for clarity, and because you can't include emojis in a blog);

Me: But hey! At least sex is expected at uni, so if we do visit each other, it won't be an issue
Him:True
Me: Actually what is the plan for that? Are we going to visit each other? 
Him: Probably!
Me: Otherwise I won't see you until December!
Him: That's true
Me: You still want to carry this on though? As in you want to go for long distance 
Him: Not sure
Me: Oh
Him: You? 
Me: Yes and no As in, I love being with you, but it's going to be hard
Him: I'm the same

From there we decided to actually talk it out in person, rather than over text, as nothing good can ever happen during a whatsapp conversation at 2:30 am.

Now Josh is one of the most chilled out people I've ever met, so for this change of heart to have happened, it indicates that he's been thinking and something is worrying him. We are going to talk about it, but in the mean time, all I can do is keep my cool, not cry and hope for the best.